Tuesday, December 30, 2008

who she ?

I ain't wrote.
I won't draw.



Thursday, December 25, 2008

December 25th.

Merry Christmas, thank Jesus.

Sooo today was real cool. :)

I saw the Benjamin Buttons movie starring Brad Pitt. OMG I loved it. It provoked so many emotions. The provided comic relief was the bomb for every scene. This movie is its own and should NEVER be imitated. I cannot wait to make movies for this alone. I am in love with this movie and hope for everyone to go see it. I don't want to give any hints to the movie, its just amazing and has earned the standing ovation of 2008. during this upcomming recession we'll need ALOT more good new releases.

I assure you this film deserves much attention and many emmy nominations.

mark my words there are going to be some wins.

God Bless !!!!!

Happy Birthday Jesus.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


freedom-domeerf-DUMB EARTH .
freedom does not exist. just kidding, freedom exists in your soul's dictionary.

well everytime I read these enteries I contemplate with first thought not really being a thought and second my deleting of them finally third being at a point in life those were truly my thoughts (maybe) and although the past is the past I cannot erase those thoughts because I only have access to my future. why the heck do I publicsize these things, why not? Maybe 500 years from now archeologists meaning will be known as those who trace websites. as they're technology cleans my url its realize my verb usage is in code. code for something to save the human population for overcrowding and actually placing trace out of the milky way and boom. my blogs serve purpose.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


fresh shower, NO WET HAIR. HOT sheets and blankets in covers DIRECTLY out the dryer.
like you have to run into the bed.
some long johns, your favorite socks, maybe a hoodie. snuggling with someone. ahhhh bomb !

question ?

why is there an ongoing quest of obtaining perfection, when we all know that we all know we can never be perfect.

I think I know the answer.

if you think you know the answer please give me your opinion.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

grown up

I'm not afraid to grow up. actually I anticipate it. I just want to grow up just in a different way like go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow successful but remember my education. welllll time is long but honestly its nottt. idk byeee

Sunday, August 31, 2008


1 Corinthians 13:11 (King James Version)

11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

The Best Sleep .

The best sleep is a freshly cleaned room with your favorite scented oil burners windows open for clean air fresh out the dryer sheets with a matress pad, just out the shower naked.

I know it seems weird for me to put this on a blog, but hey oh well thats the bombest sleep ever. everyone should try it.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I love you Chris. I love you no matter what, and will always be there. I only want your best interest. Man I honestly do miss you. The last time I seen you it wasn't for a long period. No matter where you may venture it won't be the last time I see you, I am going to see you again. When we do cross eachothers paths I will be sure to let you understand how much I love and appreciate you.

Sorry it wasn't before enough, but I really do care.

love you,
lil sis

My English 1A Final Project.

It is not the best. Did this the day it was due.

Bart was supossed to be Irwin H.


Monday, August 11, 2008

Hey Father in Heaven

Soooo dad, why aren't you talking back to me !
like you used to but I haven't heard from you in a couple of months.
I mean I've seen your actions but I haven't heard you.
oh. Read The Bible? I've heard that time and time again but uh I haven't done that yet. but you better promise to give me understanding.

can I tell you a secret ?
well nothing even matters anymore, but how ever far I go you always do.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

U-Turn in Life .

Embrace your self, this is going to be long.

Yesterday I took my mom's car without permission, had it for basically the entire day. That is until my older cousin came home and realized it was gone and called my mother up in Washington DC notifying her. While I had the car I was with my friend. I took the car back. Later that night we took another car without permission. It was her older cousins. It was actually late at night around 11 or 12. We went all the way to the University, Dennys. There was NO justified reason for being there, throughout it all I ignored feeling and was numb to the severity of the situation. I think of it as being a spoiled girl that felt invinsible. Well the parking lot of Denny's population escalated and cause the police to place an evacuation of the premises. Mind you that we are all minors its after curfue, we stole a vehicle, and none of us have licenses to drive. Welllll we made it out of there safe. Hopped on the freeway almost got killed because it was a truck driving wild. hopped off the freeway and got that call. The cousin woke up and realized her car was gone and so were we. Yeh that is when all idiotic hell broke loose. Basically we left the car in some neighborhood. I still don't know where it is. OMG. its like my life is ruined for not being sensible. I planned to write more but I can't . it is just all stupid.

It is to the point were I lost all respect from people. My mother, my sister, my cousin, friends, my friend's who I was with family, and then the friend I was with. like that is crazy. All the work I put in don't even matter. I don't even respect myself right now. I want to apologize to these people but it is like no matter what I say does not make it right. I can't do anything because the situation is so bad that anystep made only makes it worse. Like I still don't understand how it got that far. When I apologize it is sincere. BUT its like I don't know if its pride I will say sorry to these people, accept my punishment, but I am not going to beg and work hard for respect/love/trust anymore. its like thats all I ever did and it takes a long time to earn all that mess. I don't ever think people ever learn to re-trust beccause when trust is broken that thought of betrayal is always raised up. through it all I feel like the only punishment that will even affect me is that it is a memory that wont go away and that I betrayed people. IDK I'm done with everything . well um this is going no where . my thoughts are too disrupted to write anymore.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Down to Business.

Okay. My senior year is approaching within a couple of weeks. eeeek. SENIOR PROJECT. what am I going to dooo ?


Anywho, there are so many things I am going to get accomplished. Which means...TIME TO GET TO WORK. =]

OOOOH BTW, I got a B on my third paper!
I am going to get a B in this English 1A class.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

My Summer of 2008 -- so far .

This summer has been plain out weird.
It was my last chance to attend a highschool, and last summer being considered a highschool student. I take all of my classes in college, and decided to go to summer school at my old highschool. It sucked so bad. It reminded me how much I do not enjoy that setting. I was enrolled in two classes, and ended up only passing one class. The other I stopped going to after the drop deadline so I may have recieved a failing grade. That doesn't worry me because I have been praying about it. ALSO I have been taking a night class. I am soooo thankful because I am in English 1A[considered a difficult college course] and I have the BEST professor ever. I believe I have a B average. Enough of the school activities. Although I have been in school I have been roaming all throughout Southern California during my weekends. Some of the cities include um San Diego, La Mesa, Long Beach, Lakewood, San Pedro, Los Angeles, Antelope Valley, well basically those counties and surrounding cities on different weekends. I can admit some events taken place in these cities were quite exciting. I have met new people, and re-met old ones. But throughout it all I have had quite a few eye openers. I honestly appreciate my family more than ever. Thankfully I have had chances to spend a lot of time with them this summer[ANNUAL CAMPING TRIP NEXT WEEKEND..YAYYYY]. Alot of old 'friends' have wandered away from the actual friendships, and I can honestly say it was the ones I loved the most, I loved them wayyy too much. Now, I feel a breeze of relief in realizing I need to love myself second. I care, but not as much as I once did. blah blah blah I am loosing track and forgetting stuff. Boyyyy oh boy God has been working on me. I need some balancing out in my life before the Fall semester begins. I'll write more later got to get home.

God Bless.

Friday, July 25, 2008


-. overused kanyes blinds frames .
-. 50lbs of weave .
-. 79cent burritos at taco bell .
-. mimicking humans that claim to despise posers .
-. rude behavior in the classroom .
-. women that cuss
-. men that cuss in the presence of a woman .
-. mispelled everyday used words .
-. those who "don't read unless they HAVE to"
-. attention seekers, that want to be the best .
-. liars .
-. "friends" that lie, and waste "friendship"
-. yelling .
-. not having peace of mind .
-. falling off track of destination to goal .
-. women afraid of being lonely so stay with an idiot as prevention program .
-. essays about language .
-. things done to fit into crowd .
-. being full of self .
-. mixed messages .
-. all girls wanting to be NEWNEW
-. all boys STILL wanting a NEWNEW
-. overnight "musicians" .
-. lectures .
-. sink water .
-. people getting so comfortable that they believe they "know" me .
-. STEALING..anywhere .
-. broken promises .

Sunday, June 29, 2008

surface point .

old souls? falsely true. uneasy acceptance of the once familiar turning brand new. never had many, yet still lost a few. future full of possibility missing ingredience of stability. falling short of what should have been exceedings of something..results in shattered hopes of nothing. please lord continue heavenly waters on this seed, with wisdom may she proceed

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Monday, May 26, 2008

I love my family .

One thing I have realized is that my family are the ones who put me up, yet put me down the most. If I tell them an idea, its oh that's impossible OR you can't do that because you're not this or you're not that. But when I go ahead and accomplish that goal(most of the time without even speaking of it) its 'go for your dreams, I always knew you could do it.' Thats a whole bunch of bull, and being faker than fake. When I speak on it to my mother she's the first to get offended, because she'll deny it and SHES ALWAYS RIGHT because she earned that right by being a mother and on this earth for 38 years. I just always thought dreams are the things that seem impossible and haven't been accomplished yet. WELL I KNOW THAT BECAUSE OF SCRIPTURE. And that's the main thing that drives me to reach these dreams because I got to prove these suckas wrong and show them that with God and faith ANY and ALL things are possible.


Happy Memorial Day .

I'm going to a church picnic .

Woooo HA .

bye bye baby .

Monday, May 19, 2008

I had a friend .

I had a friend like no other. Even when I would hide to have time to be down, her understanding of me remained profound. Similar souls, yet so opposed. Often pondered questions of her honest care, before words could speak . Flesh assured she was always there. Just my guardian angels stood before me, spoke to none of my pain but God. Often I'd question when and what for me he'll send. Who would have asssumed it would that person, my friend. Got nothing but to the point and direct, He sent her with instructions to protect. Return to me with only my child having her once loving spirit ressurect. Ms.Hill, the power of that one song steered her into assuring my new ways were more than wrong, and for the old me was what she could only long. As time passed I gradually learn to trust, something unti this day I still have problems with believing I can do. As I draw closer to the end, I want acknowledge when God cause a unique pair of souls to blend, they become spiritually united friend, for her in any situation, nothing less of my heart is what I am willing to lend .

+ then blah blah blah .

ft. Anna Meche

less than a month until I am a senior .

Update . *

Sometimes I wonder what it was like to walk a mile in Jesus' actual shoes. I KNOW it wasn't easy, there is pain. But haven't you noticed (well for me atleast) When a hard task is fulfilled it feels so good. Now I know on this journey we have we hold ourselves accountable for our own getting into heaven or not, but at the same time we are suppossed to share the gospel. Now in the generation many know who God is, but not all have experienced the annointance of the Holy Spirit. Everyone I share my experiences with seem like they accept the Lord and then go back to what they were doing before and its so confusing. Like I understand this, but I can't explain it. People these days literally care about their own well being and pity thereselves. I know I need patience but its so hard for me to not understand why people don't understand what I do. It's sooo much that it can't be summed up in blogs. Like I wonder am I doing my work right? How many lives have I assisted in changing, and if I did why do they change so quickly. It's like I don't want to walk away from people giving up on them, God never does that to us. Then here comes my mom saying I need to let it go. But if I let it go feels like the wrong thing. I allow myself to get hurt . I don't know what to say .

Well anyways I was thinking I only have one TRUE friend, that I can say that I trust, I am thankful for her.

This process can be soooo hard. One day you'll understand .

Open Up Your Hearts, Let God in .

Saturday, May 17, 2008


The thing that hurts me most is when people BETRAY family and choose 'friends' or 'outsiders' over the family !

+ when I'm called a liar .

it makes me so upset.

I pray that away ... =/

Thursday, May 15, 2008

that DARN WORD !

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh such an issue right .

but I promise I work on changing my flaws that misrepresent my dear Lord.

Okay so at school I hang out with the coolest guysss EVER + sometimes THAT WORD slips out of their mouths. like I never say anything, but every time it feels like a dagger slicing my skin . I used to be ignorant and say the word but that's because I was raised around the careless use of words. Like my mom cusses and when I lived with my step mother it would be like 'oh that's a ***** for you' when ever someone was foolish, arrogant, and of course black. BUT BACK TO THE POINT. What's the point of the word in anyone's language? I wish it could just vanish. There is sweat, blood, and tears behind that word. Why use a word that could possibly make your ancestors turn in their graves? A few months ago my besfriend's grandmother and I were having a conversation about this and we said we didn't care about all races saying it, because that's dumb to only approve of the word from one race. forget that we are all one species. but as I think about it I don't like it at all. actually cusing in general. I don't know why I did it. I think it's began with me sneaking words in front of my mom, doing stuff I shouldn't was comic relief for me. My mom was by far one of the worse 'trash' talkers I met. By trash I mean cussing. Anyways, my mother lost that title. My older sister earned it, I believe every two and a half trashy words an okay one comes out. You can't find a better use of grammar? Why do women cuss? Does it make us appear more authoritive or off the edge ? IDK. and for guys its straight out disrespect to use the language in front of women. blah blah blahhhh my thoughts have wandered off to somewhere far away . bye

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Part 1

So I have concluded that today's entrance will be a variety of breif topics that have been wandering throughout my thoughts for the past few days, in no specific order. :

1. I don't know which one to put first .

2. I have realized that I have changed my habbits so much that I am going mad, I am beginning to like school now. It is a fact that I have been in school for almost two years straight going on three. NO BREAKS [spring?]. I actually hated school with a passion and felt depressed having to wake up and spend the majority of my day on campus. But now that I have grown so appreciative of my many opportunities and listening to the medocre exaggerated complaints about school of others, I like going to school Monday through Friday.

3. Majority of my life I have never been able to settle down and actually grow up having a 'life time' friend. I have been used to always moving before getting too close, so I would have my casual ecounters with 'friends' from time to time whenever we seen eachother again. But I have been living in Riveride county for a good four years now and not supprisingly I continue onward with the same routine. I find myself becoming close with people and then at the most inconvient time we lose contact. I still have love for those people, and can be someone they could call on whenever they need something but yeh. Majority of the time its a trait or sudden change that draws me away. I can honestly say I am not shaken about it and am content with these situations.

4. Why is it when I write for a long period of time, I allow my thoughts to come out without thinking about them...I WILL FINISH LATER GOT TO GO.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

again blah blah

blah blah

woah buddy .

This is kind of disturbing, but you have to admit it's also quite amusing! Like what the heck ? ahahaha well that's about all for now, just thought I'd share it with you .

Monday, May 12, 2008

the heck ?

I just examined my previous blogs from 2007 and, I did not understand ANY of them lol .

I would delete them but there is no point lol .

Update . *

So, today was a kind of normal day. Everyday is the same. I feel ashamed because I never have any expectations out of my days, meaning I have none for life. (Examine the context to receive understanding.) Lately it seems as if many express their negative attitudes to anyone crossing their paths, ecspecially me. Must I speak on how it truely bothers my soul. I do not advocate keeping troubles bottled up inside, but I also don't agree with agressively venting them out to others. I have to keep in mind that I am very opinionated, so I can't say too much to those who are angry. Because then I'll be acting as the amuniton to their fury, giving them yet a reason to be even more tempermental with me. I just have to pray it away, because I know my previous ways and I don't want to be the one to take it the upmost extremes. On a good note, I have a gut feeling my progess in school has increased.

Alright there's more. Hmmmm . As I sat here amasingly with no music in the background I acquired more acceptance for the beauty of silence. I love music. I actually find it difficult to wake completely up in the morning with no music. But one thing about music is that it remains a great influence on our thoughts. I challenge you to take atleast a 20 minute break of silence, listening to the promising sounds of nature and see where it allows your thoughts to roam. peace + serenity.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's been a while .

but I'm here now . new posts soon .