Saturday, June 27, 2009

I lost my mind a long time ago.

Its in God's palms.

I don't think I deserve it just yet.

I hope my descendants see this.

What is the objective in these blogs? If the motherboard crashes, don't all these blogs collected along the years crash too? There are journals kept from hundreds of years ago, along with the original handwriting. But this blog isn't even feasible.

Well if those specs from my bloodline do see this maybe this entry could get them into my mind just a little. Well atleast the mind I obtain today.

I hate relationships. That is because I cherish the ones I have too much. And in my mind when they are gone, oh how completely gone they can be. I quitely question how true the strength and stability is. I admit that is wrong, but sometimes things are too good to be true. Oh how I want to live, but oh how I do not care for people being in my life long periods of times. Only those selected few. We never know the thoughts of those near. What is expressed verbally and physically is never what is truely the intentions of one. It could all be a hoax, or not even enough to express the masses. All feelings are temporary. Disagree? No thin line between love and hate? You haven't experienced any situations where you've felt the total opposite towards a person compared to what you felt earlier? Oh well, we all view this world totally differently.

Allow me to jump to a matter on my mind, yes I must. These are feelings I have felt recently. Hope, faith, disappointment, unappreciated, rejected, careless, low, high, love, pitty, caring, joy, unappreciated, misused, etc...

Over a week ago I found myself calling my father while in Ventura with no way to hold my tears. Prior to the call I felt as if I had been bombarded with negative attitudes, walked all over I suppose. I know I am not a victim, just felt like it and my daddy is the only person I can vent to without criticizing my feelings. Everyone had short or big attitudes that went on and off and I couldn't handle it. My mother, sister, friends...whatever whoever. Whether it wasn't meant to rebuttle on me or it was, I know I got the short end of the stick. I hate it.

Whatever I do not even want to talk about that anymore. I am sorry.

I just can not deal with humanity anymore, how the freak am I suppossed to do that when I still need to figure myself out?

I do not even want answers from no one because my life is not like yours so you can not answer ANY questions that persue to me.

To Be Continued...
(maybe, doubt it.)

I never actually read the book.

Yesterday afternoon my sister Me'Lisa and I went to see the film "My Sister's Keeper." It was a memorable film. I must have cried about three times. My sister loved the movie but "never wants to see it again" because it is so sad. This film will be a must in my collection. What these characters go through is so real. The film is full of memories, I must admit my sister and I noticed some mixed up things. BUT the film is SO worth seeing. I suggest matinee or the student discount. I wouldn't be suprised if I went to see this in theaters again.

Friday, June 26, 2009

=) lovely

"Running" is GOOD.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

These Trying Times

Personal Lives.

Lives seen by those eyes.

How are we suppossed to feel about that haunter out with all of his crew? Its a fest for the grim reaper.

Ed, Farrah, Michael, and many more daily deaths that aren't pubilicized.

What about the fact that North Korea is threatening to wipe out America, complete genocide.

How could they hate us so much, well our ancestors have done some sick things to their people.

Sadly, we have personified evil. Dispute that point?

It gets worse before it gets better, have we experienced the worse?
Some may think it hasn't hit home quite yet.


Don't be clueless, there is a clear path of where we need to go, what we need to do.

Black Iced Heart

Well more like helium and plastic.

Last night's seminar was cool, I don't think it touched as deeply as last years. Maybe because the first session was nearly identical. But sometimes these messages need to be redundant in our lives.

The breakout session for me was dealing with finacial leadership. Tonight is spiritual leadership.

*I don't want to get my hopes up, but I sure enough will build my faith up.
Makes Sense Right?!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Two Ha's.

Costa Mesa Rave, I was SUPER amped.
BUT I have this leadership seminar to attend at church, that I totally forgot about. How ironic !

Well guess which one I will be attending ?!

These pictures are publicly displayed on photobucket, so why now preview some on my blog.

*KeKe,Darian,Mommy,Myself,Me'Lisa, (Ms. Idell's Back) | graduation

*Saba,Cheyenne,Myself,Johnnae | graduation

*Andre, Shaneal, Myself | after graduation

*Joseph, Myself | Babyshower/Family Gathering (Before getting wasted photo)

*DeAundrea, Shaneal, Me'Lisa, Myself | Babyshower (I'm already gone)

*Chris, Myself, Jerri(Nisha) | Babyshower (GONE)

*Brian's Girlfriend, Brian, Andre', Myself, Donald, Pam, etc.. | Babyshower IDK

*Where's Waldo? I was there just too short to reach in ! | Babyshower

*Andre', Myself | Babyshower and just got back from the movies GOODBYES

*Myself | Beach Getaway Weekend

*Myself | Beach (NOT MY TRASH)

*Valecia's Children | Beach / Bike Ride


*Andre, Myself | Room's Balcony


*Myself | Beach

*Bestfriends | Beach

*My Family waiting on Jose. (WE'RE BEAUTIFUL!) | Jose's Graduation

*Nigel, Joseph, Myself, Andre' | Jose's Graduation

I looked so BUSTED in all the pics. OH WELL. HAHA.
Summer 2009

Monday, June 22, 2009


"I wish I was a little bit taller."

While I was a little girl my nickname was Midget, that is because I was a 40 year old in a 2 year old body.

A little shorty.

Then I began to grow tall.

*In the third grade Me'Lisa told me I better stop growing or she was going to beat me up. Funny how I've out grown her.

Then finally I was taller than everyone for the longest.

I have been 5'4 1/2 since the freaking 8th grade !

People that haven't seen me in amounts of time propose how much I've grown and I am always like "nah."

For a long time I thought I was 5'7, until 3 visits to the nurse resulting in the same height shut me up.

I was always on a balance beam on whether I wanted to grow or not, but now I want to grow taller SO BAD. I don't care if I am surrounded around 5 foot even people and under.

gravity stay the hxll away from me.


Truth Is

I graduated.
Did not even recieve my AA or AS.

I feel so invaluable. Like I ain't shxt.

I love my mother, but I can not stand to live with her another moment.

I do NOT want to go to Georgia. (You never know Bri, you may love it there)SHUSH!

What sucks is that I feel I have graduated out of those relationships too, and I don't give a FCK.

*I know my previous posts degraded women and foul language...IM A HYPOCRITE it haunts me.

I love colors on the green and blue palettes.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Yuppp those tall axs white men in the background was in my crew (Joe's Graduation)
Well what a freaking week !

Now PMS gets to shine. FM

Happy Father's Day

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I am done.

Um LMSO?!?

I don't even remember this (back in Jan)

I could look so freaking DUMB being wasted. LOL ugh!

Okay with the family the whole weekend this week, starting THURSDAY.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Monday, June 8, 2009

The Goat
December 22 to January 20
Capricorn Traits

Practical and prudent
Ambitious and disciplined
Patient and careful
Humorous and reserved

On the dark side....

Pessimistic and fatalistic
Miserly and grudging

Capricorn! About Your Sign...
Capricorn is one of the most stable and (mostly) serious of the zodiacal types. These independent, rocklike characters have many sterling qualities. They are normally confident, strong willed and calm. These hardworking, unemotional, shrewd, practical, responsible, persevering, and cautious to the extreme persons, are capable of persisting for as long as is necessary to accomplish a goal they have set for themselves. They are reliable workers in almost any profession they undertake. They are the major finishers of most projects started by the 'pioneering' signs; with firm stick-to-it-ness they quickly become the backbone of any company they work for.

Capricornians make of themselves, resourceful, determined managers; setting high standards for themselves and others. They strive always for honesty in their criticism of self, they respect discipline from above and demand it from those beneath them. In their methodical, tough, stubborn, unyielding way, they persist against personal hardship, putting their families and/or their work before their own needs and welfare to reach their objectives long after others have given up and fallen by the wayside. In fact when practical ability allied with the drive of ambition are required in employees to make a project succeed, Capricornians are the people to hire. They plan carefully to fulfill their ambitions (which often include becoming wealthy), they are economical without meanness, and able to achieve great results with minimum effort and expense. Because of their organizing ability they are able to work on several projects simultaneously.

They have a great respect for authority but may not, if they reach high rank, be willing to listen to other opinions on things they are directly responsible for. As the ranking authority figure in a given situation they expect their underlings to be as self disciplined as they themselves are, and to perform every task undertaken to the highest standard.

They are, nevertheless, fair as well as demanding. Among their equals they are not always the most pleasant of work fellows for they are reserved and too conservative, valuing tradition more than innovation, however valuable the latter, and they are often humorless. There is also a tendency to pessimism, melancholy and even unhappiness which many Capricornians are unable to keep to themselves, especially if they fail personally. In the extreme this trait can make them a very depressed individual; ecstatic happiness alternating with the most wretched kind of misery which is so subconsciously buried that he or she should seek help if such emotions become frequent. For the above reason, capable Capricorn should spend many hours in meditation, gathering the strength to control such inner emotions.

The swings in mood are not the only reason some Capricornians deserve the adjective based on their name - capricious. They can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy. In certain individuals in whom the characteristic is strong, the temptation to do this has to be resisted with iron self-control. Another unexpected quality in some Capricornians is an interest in the occult which persists in spite of their naturally skeptical turn of mind.

Their intellects are sometimes very subtle. They think profoundly and deeply, throughly exploring all possibilities before deciding on a 'safe' alternative. They have good memories and an insatiable yet methodical desire for knowledge. They are rational, logical and clearheaded, have good concentration, delight in debate in which they can show off their cleverness by luring their adversaries into traps and confounding them with logic.

In their personal relationships they are often ill-at-ease, if not downright unhappy. They are somewhat self-centered but not excessively so, wary and cautious around people they do not know very well, preferring not to meddle with others and in turn not to allow interference with themselves, thus they tend to attract people who do not understand them. Casual acquaintances they will treat with diplomacy, tact and, above all, reticence. They make few good friends but are intensely loyal to those they do make, and they can become bitter, and powerful enemies. They sometimes dislike the opposite sex and test the waters of affection gingerly before judging the temperature right for marriage. Once married, however, they are faithful, though inclined to jealousy. Most Capricornians marry for life.

Their occupations can include most professions that have to do with math or money and they are strongly attracted to music. They can be economists, financiers, bankers, speculators, contractors, managers and real estate brokers. They excel as bureaucrats, especially where projects demanding long-term planning and working are concerned, and their skill in debate and love of dialectic make them good politicians. They are excellent teachers, especially as principals of educational establishments where they have the authority to manage and organize without too much intimacy with the staff members. If working with their hands, they can become practical scientists, engineers, farmers and builders. The wit and flippancy which is characteristic of certain Capricornians may make some turn to entertainment as a career.

Possible Health Concerns...

Capricorn governs the knees, bones and skin, so its subjects may be liable to fractures and strains of the knees and other defects of the legs. Skin diseases from rashes and boils to leprosy (in countries where that disease is prevalent) are dangers, and digestive upsets may be caused by the tendency of Capricorns to worry or suppress emotions. Anemia, Bright's disease, catarrh, deafness, rheumatism and rickets are also said to threaten the natives of this sign.

Knowing what you discuss
Firm Foundations
Wild Schemes
Go-nowhere jobs


As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Capricornian, you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

PROBLEM: Having people take advantage of you and your good nature.
SOLUTION: Try being more careful with your favors, and putting number one first for a change.

PROBLEM: Having people getting "turned off" of you.
SOLUTION: Examine the kind of causes that you have been defending or pushing lately; make wiser choices.

PROBLEM: Coworkers not liking to work along side of you, sharing projects.
SOLUTION: While you make a good authority figure try not to act like it when working in tandem with another as an equal.

PROBLEM: Getting too tired out and not finishing projects that you have in the works.
SOLUTION: Try not to make too many plans and have them scheduled too close together. Try pacing yourself and you will clear this problem up.

Your ruling planet is SATURN

Mean Distance from the Sun(AU) 9.555
Sidereal period of orbit(years) 29.46
Equatorial radius(km) 60268
Polar radius(km) 54360
Body rotation period(hours) 10.66
Tilt of equator to orbit(degrees) 26.73
Number of observed satellites 18

Some more interesting facts about your sign:

The animal associated with your sign is this beautiful Goat, it is a surefooted animal that weighs in at an average of 150-300 pounds and reaching heights of 35-45 inches. Due to its hooves, with cushioned skid-proof pads for grip, the goat is very agile. This animal has a narrow head with slender, black horns that rise in a backward curve to a length of 10-12 inches. The coat is white and on the chin is a double beard of long hair.

The color of choice for Capricorn isBROWN
and most dark colors

The beautiful Onyx is your starstone. Onyx is a type of agate (cryptocrystaline Quartz) that is recognized by the alternating, parallel bands of black and white. It is used for the carving of cameos, (a figure carved in the white layer which stands in relief against the black layer). If the white layer alternates with a different color then the agate is given different names: if red it's carnelian-onyx, if brown it is sardonyx, and if the second layer is of the pale shades that characterizes common chalcedony it is called chalcedony-onyx. A solid piece of pure black Onyx is dyed. Agates are not always dyed black unless it is called Onyx, (Agate is frequently dyed red, green, blue, etc.)


There is, and always have been, a controversy over "starstones". Starstones are NOT birthstones. I give you here in these pages the stones that are called your starstones, (planet stones), which viberates the strongest to your planet or sign, NOT to the month that you were born. I would also like it if those who think they know precisely what their stone is to go to the library and reference some good Astrology books such as 'Parkers Astrology'. Sorry for the confusion, but confusion over this topic has raged for hundreds of years.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

So Easy

Why is it so easy to find things on the internet?
Anyways, this was such a good performance and all the outrage killed it.

Can you BELIEVE this was more than 5 years ago. LOL

I don't believe it was an accident. ;)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

10:57 PM

B (10:56:31 PM): Ily
C (10:56:39 PM): Ily

Auto Response from B (10:56:39 PM): bxtch ain't no breaks in this life. *I'll sleep when I die

C(10:56:46 PM): AHHHHHH!
B (10:56:57 PM): =)
C (10:57:00 PM): Tiight.
B (10:57:04 PM): RIGHT!
C (10:57:12 PM): Get out ma head!
B (10:57:27 PM): I LOVE YOU!
B (10:57:28 PM): ahahha

I ain't shxt