Thursday, May 29, 2008

Monday, May 26, 2008

I love my family .

One thing I have realized is that my family are the ones who put me up, yet put me down the most. If I tell them an idea, its oh that's impossible OR you can't do that because you're not this or you're not that. But when I go ahead and accomplish that goal(most of the time without even speaking of it) its 'go for your dreams, I always knew you could do it.' Thats a whole bunch of bull, and being faker than fake. When I speak on it to my mother she's the first to get offended, because she'll deny it and SHES ALWAYS RIGHT because she earned that right by being a mother and on this earth for 38 years. I just always thought dreams are the things that seem impossible and haven't been accomplished yet. WELL I KNOW THAT BECAUSE OF SCRIPTURE. And that's the main thing that drives me to reach these dreams because I got to prove these suckas wrong and show them that with God and faith ANY and ALL things are possible.


Happy Memorial Day .

I'm going to a church picnic .

Woooo HA .

bye bye baby .

Monday, May 19, 2008

I had a friend .

I had a friend like no other. Even when I would hide to have time to be down, her understanding of me remained profound. Similar souls, yet so opposed. Often pondered questions of her honest care, before words could speak . Flesh assured she was always there. Just my guardian angels stood before me, spoke to none of my pain but God. Often I'd question when and what for me he'll send. Who would have asssumed it would that person, my friend. Got nothing but to the point and direct, He sent her with instructions to protect. Return to me with only my child having her once loving spirit ressurect. Ms.Hill, the power of that one song steered her into assuring my new ways were more than wrong, and for the old me was what she could only long. As time passed I gradually learn to trust, something unti this day I still have problems with believing I can do. As I draw closer to the end, I want acknowledge when God cause a unique pair of souls to blend, they become spiritually united friend, for her in any situation, nothing less of my heart is what I am willing to lend .

+ then blah blah blah .

ft. Anna Meche

less than a month until I am a senior .

Update . *

Sometimes I wonder what it was like to walk a mile in Jesus' actual shoes. I KNOW it wasn't easy, there is pain. But haven't you noticed (well for me atleast) When a hard task is fulfilled it feels so good. Now I know on this journey we have we hold ourselves accountable for our own getting into heaven or not, but at the same time we are suppossed to share the gospel. Now in the generation many know who God is, but not all have experienced the annointance of the Holy Spirit. Everyone I share my experiences with seem like they accept the Lord and then go back to what they were doing before and its so confusing. Like I understand this, but I can't explain it. People these days literally care about their own well being and pity thereselves. I know I need patience but its so hard for me to not understand why people don't understand what I do. It's sooo much that it can't be summed up in blogs. Like I wonder am I doing my work right? How many lives have I assisted in changing, and if I did why do they change so quickly. It's like I don't want to walk away from people giving up on them, God never does that to us. Then here comes my mom saying I need to let it go. But if I let it go feels like the wrong thing. I allow myself to get hurt . I don't know what to say .

Well anyways I was thinking I only have one TRUE friend, that I can say that I trust, I am thankful for her.

This process can be soooo hard. One day you'll understand .

Open Up Your Hearts, Let God in .

Saturday, May 17, 2008


The thing that hurts me most is when people BETRAY family and choose 'friends' or 'outsiders' over the family !

+ when I'm called a liar .

it makes me so upset.

I pray that away ... =/

Thursday, May 15, 2008

that DARN WORD !

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh such an issue right .

but I promise I work on changing my flaws that misrepresent my dear Lord.

Okay so at school I hang out with the coolest guysss EVER + sometimes THAT WORD slips out of their mouths. like I never say anything, but every time it feels like a dagger slicing my skin . I used to be ignorant and say the word but that's because I was raised around the careless use of words. Like my mom cusses and when I lived with my step mother it would be like 'oh that's a ***** for you' when ever someone was foolish, arrogant, and of course black. BUT BACK TO THE POINT. What's the point of the word in anyone's language? I wish it could just vanish. There is sweat, blood, and tears behind that word. Why use a word that could possibly make your ancestors turn in their graves? A few months ago my besfriend's grandmother and I were having a conversation about this and we said we didn't care about all races saying it, because that's dumb to only approve of the word from one race. forget that we are all one species. but as I think about it I don't like it at all. actually cusing in general. I don't know why I did it. I think it's began with me sneaking words in front of my mom, doing stuff I shouldn't was comic relief for me. My mom was by far one of the worse 'trash' talkers I met. By trash I mean cussing. Anyways, my mother lost that title. My older sister earned it, I believe every two and a half trashy words an okay one comes out. You can't find a better use of grammar? Why do women cuss? Does it make us appear more authoritive or off the edge ? IDK. and for guys its straight out disrespect to use the language in front of women. blah blah blahhhh my thoughts have wandered off to somewhere far away . bye

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Part 1

So I have concluded that today's entrance will be a variety of breif topics that have been wandering throughout my thoughts for the past few days, in no specific order. :

1. I don't know which one to put first .

2. I have realized that I have changed my habbits so much that I am going mad, I am beginning to like school now. It is a fact that I have been in school for almost two years straight going on three. NO BREAKS [spring?]. I actually hated school with a passion and felt depressed having to wake up and spend the majority of my day on campus. But now that I have grown so appreciative of my many opportunities and listening to the medocre exaggerated complaints about school of others, I like going to school Monday through Friday.

3. Majority of my life I have never been able to settle down and actually grow up having a 'life time' friend. I have been used to always moving before getting too close, so I would have my casual ecounters with 'friends' from time to time whenever we seen eachother again. But I have been living in Riveride county for a good four years now and not supprisingly I continue onward with the same routine. I find myself becoming close with people and then at the most inconvient time we lose contact. I still have love for those people, and can be someone they could call on whenever they need something but yeh. Majority of the time its a trait or sudden change that draws me away. I can honestly say I am not shaken about it and am content with these situations.

4. Why is it when I write for a long period of time, I allow my thoughts to come out without thinking about them...I WILL FINISH LATER GOT TO GO.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

again blah blah

blah blah

woah buddy .

This is kind of disturbing, but you have to admit it's also quite amusing! Like what the heck ? ahahaha well that's about all for now, just thought I'd share it with you .

Monday, May 12, 2008

the heck ?

I just examined my previous blogs from 2007 and, I did not understand ANY of them lol .

I would delete them but there is no point lol .

Update . *

So, today was a kind of normal day. Everyday is the same. I feel ashamed because I never have any expectations out of my days, meaning I have none for life. (Examine the context to receive understanding.) Lately it seems as if many express their negative attitudes to anyone crossing their paths, ecspecially me. Must I speak on how it truely bothers my soul. I do not advocate keeping troubles bottled up inside, but I also don't agree with agressively venting them out to others. I have to keep in mind that I am very opinionated, so I can't say too much to those who are angry. Because then I'll be acting as the amuniton to their fury, giving them yet a reason to be even more tempermental with me. I just have to pray it away, because I know my previous ways and I don't want to be the one to take it the upmost extremes. On a good note, I have a gut feeling my progess in school has increased.

Alright there's more. Hmmmm . As I sat here amasingly with no music in the background I acquired more acceptance for the beauty of silence. I love music. I actually find it difficult to wake completely up in the morning with no music. But one thing about music is that it remains a great influence on our thoughts. I challenge you to take atleast a 20 minute break of silence, listening to the promising sounds of nature and see where it allows your thoughts to roam. peace + serenity.