I hope my descendants see this.

What is the objective in these blogs? If the motherboard crashes, don't all these blogs collected along the years crash too? There are journals kept from hundreds of years ago, along with the original handwriting. But this blog isn't even feasible.

Well if those specs from my bloodline do see this maybe this entry could get them into my mind just a little. Well atleast the mind I obtain today.

I hate relationships. That is because I cherish the ones I have too much. And in my mind when they are gone, oh how completely gone they can be. I quitely question how true the strength and stability is. I admit that is wrong, but sometimes things are too good to be true. Oh how I want to live, but oh how I do not care for people being in my life long periods of times. Only those selected few. We never know the thoughts of those near. What is expressed verbally and physically is never what is truely the intentions of one. It could all be a hoax, or not even enough to express the masses. All feelings are temporary. Disagree? No thin line between love and hate? You haven't experienced any situations where you've felt the total opposite towards a person compared to what you felt earlier? Oh well, we all view this world totally differently.

Allow me to jump to a matter on my mind, yes I must. These are feelings I have felt recently. Hope, faith, disappointment, unappreciated, rejected, careless, low, high, love, pitty, caring, joy, unappreciated, misused, etc...

Over a week ago I found myself calling my father while in Ventura with no way to hold my tears. Prior to the call I felt as if I had been bombarded with negative attitudes, walked all over I suppose. I know I am not a victim, just felt like it and my daddy is the only person I can vent to without criticizing my feelings. Everyone had short or big attitudes that went on and off and I couldn't handle it. My mother, sister, friends...whatever whoever. Whether it wasn't meant to rebuttle on me or it was, I know I got the short end of the stick. I hate it.

Whatever I do not even want to talk about that anymore. I am sorry.


I just can not deal with humanity anymore, how the freak am I suppossed to do that when I still need to figure myself out?

I do not even want answers from no one because my life is not like yours so you can not answer ANY questions that persue to me.


To Be Continued...
(maybe, doubt it.)