Questioning Existence.

I found myself in that familiar state of mind again. I am not suicidal, I am just anxious to meet this mysterious universe, my mistake, Heaven. Why would God place me on this medocre parrallel, of all places why Earth? Where we are fools to fantasize. I desperately yearn to combine my fantasy with reality and I blur out any judgements. Makes me delusional? I assume it does. Oh well, I hate being on an Earth so limited. But with God, I am not. Life is full of possiblity. But my possibility falls back in the line of 'fantasy'. I would love to take flight not being limited to the humans capabilities. Then as I realize, I am overwhelmed in my own subdued tears. I hate REAL, not saying I admire FAKE. I just hate that it is limited. Then I am reminded by the sweet but faint voice that this is not where I will spend my eternity. Call it the lobby? Heaven is where I am trying to get. Please Lord don't let me down. Let me be able to consume that as my destiny oh Lord. Let me do as much work here to actually deserve that place beyond my imagination, and you know my imagination is beyond. Hmmmm.