U-Turn in Life .

Embrace your self, this is going to be long.

Yesterday I took my mom's car without permission, had it for basically the entire day. That is until my older cousin came home and realized it was gone and called my mother up in Washington DC notifying her. While I had the car I was with my friend. I took the car back. Later that night we took another car without permission. It was her older cousins. It was actually late at night around 11 or 12. We went all the way to the University, Dennys. There was NO justified reason for being there, throughout it all I ignored feeling and was numb to the severity of the situation. I think of it as being a spoiled girl that felt invinsible. Well the parking lot of Denny's population escalated and cause the police to place an evacuation of the premises. Mind you that we are all minors its after curfue, we stole a vehicle, and none of us have licenses to drive. Welllll we made it out of there safe. Hopped on the freeway almost got killed because it was a truck driving wild. hopped off the freeway and got that call. The cousin woke up and realized her car was gone and so were we. Yeh that is when all idiotic hell broke loose. Basically we left the car in some neighborhood. I still don't know where it is. OMG. its like my life is ruined for not being sensible. I planned to write more but I can't . it is just all stupid.

It is to the point were I lost all respect from people. My mother, my sister, my cousin, friends, my friend's who I was with family, and then the friend I was with. like that is crazy. All the work I put in don't even matter. I don't even respect myself right now. I want to apologize to these people but it is like no matter what I say does not make it right. I can't do anything because the situation is so bad that anystep made only makes it worse. Like I still don't understand how it got that far. When I apologize it is sincere. BUT its like I don't know if its pride I will say sorry to these people, accept my punishment, but I am not going to beg and work hard for respect/love/trust anymore. its like thats all I ever did and it takes a long time to earn all that mess. I don't ever think people ever learn to re-trust beccause when trust is broken that thought of betrayal is always raised up. through it all I feel like the only punishment that will even affect me is that it is a memory that wont go away and that I betrayed people. IDK I'm done with everything . well um this is going no where . my thoughts are too disrupted to write anymore.